Walk in the Sun
by Phoenix003
Summary: Edward Cullen has been given only six months left to live, yet he's still so full of life. So he makes list- a list of everything he still wants to do, but he didn't factor Bella into the equation. Bittersweet AH. OOC
1. August

**August**

I walk out of the hospital doors, my mother, Esme, gripping my arm so tightly it's sure to leave a bruise. She's crying and to be honest I feel like crying too, but somehow tears won't come. I just feel dead inside. How cruelly ironic.

As we get into the car, the one thing that I notice is how everything is oddly the same. As though nothing's changed. Yet everything's changed. People continue their fast paced walk along the pavements. Cars continue to honk, and drift. Lights continue to change. Shoppers continue to shop. It's like no-one's noticed that my life is ending. Although, I suppose they haven't.

The car pulls into the drive. My family is gathered around the black Mercedes in an instant. My twin sister Alice takes one glance at my mother's tear-streaked face before her bottom lip begins to wobble. Emmett stands there like a tree frog, mouth wide open, gormless. My father, Carlisle takes me by the shoulders and leads me into the house. They've guessed.

I hear the hiss of whispering behind me as I enter the dining room. My father sits me down at the table and hands me a mug and a biscuit. My mind is still so much of a whirlwind that I don't even notice what the drink is. I take a bite from the biscuit but it tastes like cardboard and jams my teeth together. I leave it.

I look up. They're all staring at me. Alice is crying now as well, and even Emmett's eyes look a little glassy. I stare into my father's face. Carlisle's a doctor, maybe he'll say something else- I'm not going to die, Doctor Gerandy was wrong- but he says nothing, the sad lines of his mouth speak volumes.

"Can I have some paper and a pen?" I ask, my voice sounds emotionless, but my mind decided. Hands pass the items required and I begin to write. A list.

"What are you doing?' Alice asks timidly, her voice sniffily.

"Writing a list of everything I want to do before I die." A wail breaks out at the mention of the'd' word, but I'm beyond caring. If this is 'it' then I'm not going to waste 'it', starting now.

Just watch me.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

_**To Do Before I Die**_

_1- Spend a night under the stars _

_2- Watch the sun set _

_3- Watch the sun rise_

_4- Drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari_

_5- Go to a strip club_

_6- Ride a motorcycle_

_7- Go busking _

_8- Kiss a total stranger_

_9- Go up the down escalators/ vice versa_

_10- Throw a snowball_

_11- Build an igloo_

_12- Sing in the pouring rain_

_13- Sex_

_14- Sex on the beach_

_15- Drugs_

_16- Get drunk_

_17- Go skinny dipping in the ocean _

_18- Say 'I love you'_

_19- Get married in Vegas_

_20- See the Northern Lights_

_21- Discover life's purpose_

_22- Teach someone else life's purpose_

_23- LIVE!_

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

I start the very same day. If I only have six months then I'm not wasting a moment, so that evening I grab a sleeping bag, a torch, an umbrella (just in case) and a couple of blankets. I leave my family in their silent stupor and head out to the one place I know where I can go to just relax. My meadow. I set up my sleeping bag in the middle of the clearing and climb inside. I roll up one of the blankets as a pillow and lay a couple more over me for warmth even though it's August.

Then I lie, sorting out the thoughts and emotions in my head, until I see the sun slowly sinking into the earth. The sky is streaked with the colours of candyfloss, warm Sundays and rose petals. The sight is spectacular; it's the sight of putting your feet up at the end of a very long day. It's the sight of a waning life. Mine. All too soon the sky is dark, and the sudden contrast feels exhausting.

I lie on my back watching the stars. It does at times like these when you wonder why you've never done this before, why does it have to be the end for you to truly open your eyes? I don't know which stars are which, and the only names I know are 'the Big Dipper' and 'Orion's Belt'. I wonder who it was that created a whole picture of the galaxy, and what compelled them to do it? I'll never know now. It's a feeling of perfect peace as I let my dreams take me...

When I wake up the sun is bright, and my blankets are a big jumble. The pains of hunger and stiffness from sleeping on the bare ground are beginning to emerge, so I head back home.

As I walk I hear the cracking of paper and remember the list in my pocket. I pull it out. Although I curse myself silently for missing the sunrise, I feel good as I enter the drive way because I can now check off the first two things on my list.

Everything's going to plan.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

The next day is the weekend. My mother is annoyed with me for sleeping outside as I'm now covered in a load of new bruises. But that's not new- I bruise easily these days. I show Emmett the next items on my list, hoping he'll be able to help. I'm right.

"I know a guy with a Lamborghini. I'll see if I can borrow it."

"Where will we go?"

"To a strip club obviously." He makes it sound so simple that I laugh.

"Alright. Let's do it."

He turned up later that evening in a sleek, white a Lamborghini. I whistled as I saw it.

"Sweet bro."

"I know, it's awesome, eh? It can go from 0 to 60 mph in 2.8 seconds. Top speed is 217 mph"

"Which one is it?"

"The Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4. I'm so glad Tyler let me borrow it. I have to do half of his shifts next month, but for you bro, it's worth it."

"Hey, thanks Em."

"No problem. So shall we go?"

Emmett climbs into the driving seat, since I've never been taught to drive. The car is EPIC. The inside is black and smells practically brand new. I wonder how rich this 'Tyler' must be. He must be a really good friend of Emmett's to let him borrow a car like this, though I suspect Em pulled the 'my brother is dying' car. *Sigh* I've never really had any of my own friends. Alice and Emmett are pretty much the extent of my social life, sad as that sounds. Though really, being in hospital for most of your adolescence doesn't do a lot for friendships. I've been to school twice. Once I was there for a whole year, another time only a couple of months, before being admitted back to the hospital, and so the few friends I acquired in those brief periods have long since moved on. Which I suppose is only fair. For them.

Before long, Emmett pulls the car into a space outside what looks like a bar/diner sort of place.

"This is it?"

"Yep. Come on little bro, you'll enjoy this."

Emmett leads me into the dark room, to a table near a long wooden platform. I notice that I am definitely the youngest person in here, which leads me to wonder if it's even legal. No one stops me though.

Emmett orders me a water, since he's paranoid. I can't help noticing that he has a beer.

Then we watch. It's definitely the most 'flesh' I've seen exposed. Ever. Which makes me feel a little perverted. Oh well, they get paid.

The drive home is quiet, before Em breaks the silence.

"Scarred for life?"

"Pretty much."

"'Ata boy."

Silence.

"You won't tell Rosie about this, right?" I can't help laughing as Emmett worries about what his modelsque girlfriend will think.

"Course not. Our secret."

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

I'm ill after that. Some sort of flu. My mother blames it on my sleeping outside. I'm in hospital for a couple of weeks, before they release me back to my waiting family. They've changed. My parent's smooth skin is aged with worry lines. Alice's perfect appearance seems chipped, like the ends of her chewed nails. Emmett has dark circles under his eyes, worry etched into his bulky frame.

Yes, my illness has taken its toll.

A little while after my mother has finished fussing over me; I grab my guitar and let myself out. I want to continue my list.

I've played the piano since I was six, but when I started spending more and more time in the hospital (before they admitted me permanently) I decided that I needed something more portable. I chose the guitar, and so most of my lonely afternoons in my bed were spent learning new songs and chords. Now it's my comfort. A memory of a former time, when there was still hope of me getting better.

I head towards a busy street, somewhere where no-one knows who I am, so no-one is sympathetic. Then I set down my hat and begin to play. I've had my hat a long time, my protection from baldness. Now, however, that my treatment has stopped, my hair is slowly but surely showing itself again. So far I look like a bit on a skin head, but it's still something, right?

I don't sing. That's _too_ private. But I do play. I strum and pluck, whatever takes my fancy. I get coins- people appreciate the effort. That's nice.

I begin to think of my list. The next thing on it is 'kiss a stranger'. Well why not? I put my guitar down and look for a victim.

Then I see her. She has brown hair and brown eyes and a slim heart shaped face. She is blushing now that I'm looking at her. I beckon her over with a finger.

She hesitantly stumbles over, tripping over my guitar case. I laugh and catch her. She resurfaces even more red faced than before, which is when I do it.

I kiss her. Without even knowing her name or anything else about her.

I don't know a lot about kissing but it feels nice. Good. _Right. _I suddenly become aware of the fact that she's kissing me back. We break apart in each other's arms. Top my surprise she doesn't look disgusted or even angry. She has a small smile on her face.

"I'm sorry," I say, even though I'm not. "I just wanted to kiss you. And besides, it was on my list."

"Your list?" She questions. Her voice is quiet and polite, but seems to hold a curiosity.

"The list of things I want to do before I die."

"Isn't it a little early to be thing of that?"

"Not when you only have six months." Comprehension dawns in her eyes, but to my delight she doesn't pull away, or seem at all phased by finding out that I'm dying.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Don't be." I say which makes her smile. There's a short pause before she asks:

"So what exactly was on your list?" She's still in my arms, but it's nice, comforting.

"Kiss a stranger. I had to do it before we talked, because otherwise you wouldn't be a complete stranger." She laughs, a golden sound.

"I'm Bella Swan," She says. Unexpectedly I realise something.

"Edward. You're Alice's friend aren't you?"

"Alice? Alice Cullen? Gosh! You're her brother aren't you?"

"Technically I'm her twin brother. Does she talk about me then?"

"A bit. She was very upset when- well…"

"Yeah. I feel bad for her. My family as well."

We hit it off from there. Surprisingly, Bella asks me if I want to go for a coffee. It becomes a date.

I wonder why she wants to date a dying boy.


	2. September

**September**

It's been a month but I don't feel any worse. In fact I feel much better. I feel alive. I think it's because of Bella.

Everyone was rather surprised to find out I had a girlfriend. I suppose that it seemed like a weird time to start dating. But I'm Bella's first boyfriend as well. But I won't be _her_ last.

Hanging out with Bella is fun, simple, free. Occasionally we kiss, but mostly that's done in private.

I had to meet her father. She obviously told him about me first since he didn't give me a hard time. He asked about my sister- it seems he has a special fondness for Alice- and that was about it. I was free to be with Bella.

She's helping me with my list. One day we go to the mall. The plan- to complete number nine- _'Go up the down escalators/ vice versa'._

So here we are at the mall, palms sweating.

"You go first," I hiss in Bella's ear.

"Coward! It's your list- you do it!"

"Fine then!" I huff in mock annoyance. I kiss her cheek, and then walk much more boldly than I feel over to the top of the escalator. It feels as though everyone's watching.

Hesitantly I put my first foot on to the top step, which is suddenly moving back towards me. Well damn! It's in that moment that I realise I'm going to have to run down the moving staircase. It's sure to cause a big scene.

But then I see Bella; she's smirking. She thinks I won't do it. I prove her wrong.

At first it's exhilarating; I'm running down, making very little progress. However, I persevere. I'm perhaps a third of the way down when I see another pair of legs coming towards me. An old lady is standing there scowling at me. I run faster.

I'm halfway down when most people start to notice. I hear voices calling to one another, feel eyes on me. I run faster.

I'm three quarters of the way down when I hear the shouting.

"Hey! Kid running down the escalators! Stop that now!" It's a security guard. I can hear Bella laughing. I run faster.

I reach the bottom, but I'm exhausted. I get tired easily these days, and so I practically collapse onto the security guard waiting for me. He grabs me by the shoulders, another bruise, but I feel rather faint quite suddenly.

He's saying something to me but his face and words blur. I just want to sit down. I'm vaguely aware of Bella arriving on the scene. She says something to the security guard and his expression changes to pity. They drape my arm around Bella's shoulder and she half drags me over to the mall entrance and then to her truck. I yawn.

When I strapped into the passenger seat, and Bella's driving, she suddenly begins to laugh.

"So how was that then?" She says.

"Exhilarating… And rather embarrassing." Bella laughs, and then leans over to kiss me.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

I'm sitting on the sofa reading a book, Bella curled up against my side. It's a week since the escalator disaster.

"So what's next?" She asks suddenly out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"On your list. What's next?" I show her.

_**To Do Before I Die**_

_1- Spend a night under the stars _

_2- Watch the sun set _

_3- Watch the sun rise_

_4- Drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari_

_5- Go to a strip club_

_6- Ride a motorcycle_

_7- Go busking _

_8- Kiss a total stranger_

_9- Go up the down escalators/ vice versa_

_10- Throw a snowball_

_11- Build an igloo_

_12- Sing in the pouring rain_

_13- Sex_

_14- Sex on the beach_

_15- Drugs_

_16- Get drunk_

_17- Go skinny dipping in the ocean _

_18- Say 'I love you'_

_19- Get married in Vegas_

_20- See the Northern Lights_

_21- Discover life's purpose_

_22- Teach someone else life's purpose_

_23- LIVE!_

"We could do number six. I know someone with a motorcycle." She admits.

"Really? Who?"

"My best friend."

"Alice? She doesn't have a bike?" I'm suddenly concerned. Alice doesn't have a bike _right?_

"No, not Alice. My best guy friend. Jacob Black." She says.

"Jacob Black?" I'm quite taken aback. "I know Jacob Black. He was my friend at one point."

"At one point? What does that mean?"

"It means that it's hard to keep up a friendly relationship from a hospital bed."

"Oh. Well I didn't realise you knew Jacob."

We sit in silence for a moment, contemplating.

"So d'you want to do it?" She asks.

"Come on then." I say.

As soon as Bella's truck pulls into Jacob's drive, a dark head appears.

"Bella?" A voice calls. Jacob Black comes into view. He sees me.

"Edward Cullen?" His voice is surprised, but pleasantly so.

"Jacob. How are you?" He grins at me.

"I'm good thanks. You look better? They finally let you out?"

"It's not quite like that." I say. Jacob, confused, turns to Bella.

"He's working through his list of things to do before he dies." Bella says softly. Jacob's face looks shocked.

"How…how long?" He asks me.

"About five months now left."

"Jeez." Jacob looks awkward for a moment. "So how d'you two know each other then?"

"He's my boyfriend," Bella says quite firmly, kissing my cheek. Jacob looks a little annoyed.

"But Bella-"

"I don't care." She said stubbornly. I didn't quite understand what was going on, but Jacob sighed in defeat.

"So what brings you here then?" he says.

"Edward wants to ride a motorbike. You have bikes, go figure." Bella says. Jacob laughs.

The next half an hour is spent teaching me the basic controls and catching up. I find out that Jacob has a girlfriend, Renesmee (Nessie) and that he goes to the high school on the reservation. We don't really talk about me much because, well- what else is there to say? We do talk a little about my list though, and Jacob looks approvingly at some of the things still on it.

"Hey, what you going to do about the whole 'getting married in Vegas' thing huh?" He says. I blush.

"I wasn't really thinking practically when I wrote it down. I was just going to… just see what happens."

"Makes sense."

Finally I was ready. I was wearing a helmet and because Bella insisted, knee and shoulder pads.

"Okay, where's your clutch?" Jacob asks. I point to the lever on my left handlebar.

"Good. Break?"

"Behind my right foot." I say

"Wrong." He points to the lever over the throttle. "This is the brake you want. Don't use the back brake now, that's for later, when you know what you're doing."

"Really?" I say.

"Yep- don't forget. Throttle?" Jacob says. I twist the right grip.

"Gearshift?"

I nudge it with my left calf.

"Very good. I think you've got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving."

I stare down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on every side. The road is sandy and damp. Better than mud.

"Okay, I want you to hold down the clutch," Jacob instructs. I wrap my fingers around the clutch.

"Now this is crucial. Don't let go of that, okay?" I squeeze tighter.

"Okay, I'm going to kick-start it. Don't let go of the clutch." Jacob says, before taking a step back and slamming his foot down on the pedal. There is a short ripping noise, before I feel the bike rumbling underneath me.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asks.

"I'm fine." I glance at Bella. She looks a little worried. "I'm fine." I repeat for her benefit.

"Ease on the clutch," Jacob says. I do as he says, slowly. Suddenly the gear catches and I'm wrenched forward.

I'm flying.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

We go back to my house to celebrate my successful ride. Emmett, Alice, her boyfriend Jasper, Rosalie and Nessie catch up with us. I'm pleased to meet Nessie- she's nice and doesn't seem bothered by my illness. Also she seems friendly with Bella. We sit in the living room, talking.

"Hey, bro?" Emmett calls from the kitchen.

"What?" I call back, but instead of answering Emmett enters the room. He's carrying a load of beer. I raise my eyebrows at him.

"You and Rose are the only legal ones here, Em," I remind him.

"Yeah, but it's on your list. 'Get drunk'."

"Oh." Bella laughs at me.

"If Edward's going to get drunk, then I think Emmett should too," she says.

"Fine. Bet it'll take me longer!" Emmett replies.

"Five dollars on Edward," Jacob says.

"Five on Emmett," Rosalie contests. Suddenly they're all betting.

"You better win Edward, because I just bet all my savings," Bella hisses in my ear.

"I'll try."

The evening becomes blurred as I drink more and more beer. There's a stale taste in my mouth, but I think me and Emmett getting drunk is livening things up at least. Emmett becomes very silly, and I become rather giggly.

Then I can't remember a lot more.

The next morning I wake up with my first hang-over.


	3. October

**October**

_**To Do Before I Die**_

_1- Spend a night under the stars _

_2- Watch the sun set _

_3- Watch the sun rise_

_4- Drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari_

_5- Go to a strip club_

_6- Ride a motorcycle_

_7- Go busking _

_8- Kiss a total stranger_

_9- Go up the down escalators/ vice versa_

_10- Throw a snowball_

_11- Build an igloo_

_12- Sing in the pouring rain_

_13- Sex_

_14- Sex on the beach_

_15- Drugs_

_16- Get drunk_

_17- Go skinny dipping in the ocean _

_18- Say 'I love you'_

_19- Get married in Vegas_

_20- See the Northern Lights_

_21- Discover life's purpose_

_22- Teach someone else life's purpose_

_23- LIVE!_

It is unusually warm for October. Which is nice as this will be my last October. I'm beginning to feel rather lonely now, since everyone except me always seemed to be at school. Jacob and Renesmee were in their junior year. Bella and Alice were in their senior year. _I_ should be in my senior year. Emmett and Rose were back at college and Jasper was off somewhere.

One of the best things that has come from Bella was that I suddenly have a social life. Often in the evenings Bella will phone me up and invite me out somewhere with her and Alice or Jacob or Renesmee or even with some of her other friends. I met Mike, Jessica, Eric, Lauren, Angela and Ben. I can't say I cared much for most of them except Angela and her boyfriend Ben, who were very nice people.

When we went to places, Bella would stake her claim by sitting on my lap. She never mentioned my illness in their presence and so I wondered if they knew? Somehow I doubted it.

It was a Friday evening when the doorbell rang. I hear my mother answer the door, and her greeting- "Oh, hello Bella! I didn't realise you were coming over tonight."

"Neither did I," Bella replies. I hear her walk up the stairs and her knock at the door.

"Bella," I call and she enters, a blazing sort of look in her eyes. Her hair is wet from the rain outside. "What is it?" I ask.

"I was just thinking today. And I realised that you're never going to finish your list." She didn't sound sad, but her voice had quite a determined edge.

"Why not?" I demand.

"Because you're too much of a gentleman." I sit there, confused.

"Go on," I say.

"We've been together for two months now and we've never even talked about _some_ of the things on your list." Bella says. I don't understand. Bella can tell as her cheeks go red.

"You're blushing," I say. She bites her lip. "Please, Bella, the suspense is painful."

"There's something I want to do. I think you want to do it too. At least it's on your list..."

"Whatever you want," I encourage, trying to understand.

"Do you promise?" She mutters, cheeks still burning.

"Yes. Just tell me what you want." I say

"You," she mumbles almost incoherently.

"I'm yours," I say, still oblivious.

Bella takes a deep breath, before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me. I kiss her back, bewildered but willing, but I still didn't understand. Her hands are shaky as she unlocks her arms from around my neck; her fingers tremble down to the collar of my shirt. She began to undo the buttons. I freeze.

"Bella?" I say, nervously.

"Don't be afraid," Bella murmurs. "We belong together."

The moment is so perfect, so right, there is no way to doubt it. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her tight. It feels like every nerve ending in my body is a live wire.

"Forever, " I agree, and then pull her towards the bed.

So we make love there in the dark with the rain falling outside, safe in each other's arms. Neither of us knows what we were doing, except theoretically, and we are as clumsy as kittens. It is something of a botch, too, in an extremely pleasant way. At the climax there is a hint of something we can't quite reach.

We lay quietly and after a few minutes I say, "How was that?"

Bella says, somewhat sleepily, "I think it takes practice."

Just before I fall asleep, she said, "It was comforting, though."

**()()()()()()()()()()()()**

Bella is gone by the time I wake up, but Alice is standing there in the doorway.

"I see you get to cross something else of the list," She smirks.

"I suppose," I say, expecting a lecture of some sort.

"Want to cross off another one?" she surprises me by saying.

"Which one?"

"Look at the rain," Alice says. Then she grabs my arm and pulls me out of bed so that I land on the hard floor. Another bruise. "Get dressed. I'll see you in five minutes downstairs. We're going to sing."

Number twelve- 'sing in the pouring rain'.

I meet Alice a short while later. I am dressed simply in a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Shorts, Edward? In October?" Alice says, accusatively.

"They're going to get wet anyway," I shrug.

So we go outside. The rain is heavy and we are soaked instantly, but we are both laughing. The street is deserted, and so when Alice strikes up a song- 'Oranges and Lemons'-I don't hesitate to join in.

_"Oranges and lemons" say the Bells of St. Clement's_

_"You owe me five farthings" say the Bells of St. Martin's_

_"When will you pay me?" say the Bells of Old Bailey_

_"When I grow rich" say the Bells of Shoreditch_

_"When will that be?" say the Bells of Stepney_

_"I do not know" say the Great Bells of Bow_

We end up soaking but breathless.

"What else do you want to sing?" Alice asks excitedly, but suddenly she is interrupted.

"Edward! What on Earth are you doing outside in the rain?" It is our mother, and she sounds quite hysterical.

"Oh, Edward, you better go back inside! Mom's going crazy."

So we run back inside, the moment ruined.

"Oh Edward darling, please don't do that again!" Esme is sobbing.

It is a reminder that my life will always be like this, and no matter the sense of freedom, my life is still constrained to these last few months.

**()()()()()()()()()()()()**

Bella talks me into going to the beach at La Push. She is amazed that I've never been there, and declares it an abomination.

"You _have _to come, Edward. There's a whole group of us going and I want _you_ to come too."

"What are we doing?"

"Some sort of bonfire, I think."

"Okay then. When do we leave?"

We meet the others outside 'Newton's Olympic Outfitters', the store that belonged to Mike's parents. I'd seen the store, but I'd never stopped there- not having much need for any supplies required for being outdoors over an extended period of time. In the parking lot I recognise Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Eric and Lauren. There is also another guy, Conner.

Mike especially looks happy to see Bella.

"You came!" He cries delightedly.

"I told you I was coming." Bella reminds him. "And Edward too."

"Yes, right. It's good to see you again Edward," he says in a way that makes it sound the complete opposite. I just nod at him.

"We're just waiting for Lee and Samantha." Mike adds.

The shore is breathtakingly beautiful. The water dark gray, even in the sunlight, white-capped and heaving to the gray, rocky shore. The tide line was strewn with huge driftwood trees, bleached bone white in the salt waves.

We pick our way down to the beach, Mike leading the way to a ring of driftwood logs that had obviously been used for parties like ours before.

"Have you ever seen a driftwood fire?" Bella asks me. The other girls sit on the other side of Bella, clustered, gossiping excitedly. Mike kneels down to a pile of driftwood, lighting one of the smaller sticks with a cigarette lighter.

"No," I say.

"You'll like this then- watch the colours" she says. The flames started to lick quickly up the dry wood.

"It's blue," I say in surprise.

"The salt does that. Pretty isn't it?"

I watch the strange blue and green flames crackle toward the sky.

"Come with me," Bella says suddenly. She leads me over to a secluded spot behind the sand dunes.

"What is it?" I say.

"On you list it says 'Sex on the Beach'" I blush.

"We don't have to-" I begin but she cuts me off.

"Make love to me, Edward, here in the sand," Bella says.

How can I refuse her?


	4. November

**November**

The leaves lie scattered on the ground. The cold seeps in now- the winter is taking hold.

Bella is sitting next to me, doing her homework. I am trying to understand it but it's no use since I've missed so much teaching. At least I don't have to catch up.

I snuggle closer to Bella- she is looking at me now.

"What are you thinking?" I ask.

"You're so pale," she says.

I don't reply, but suddenly she's crying.

"I don't want you to die. It's not fair!"

"Shh, Bella," I say.

"Why should someone good like you have to die, whilst someone mean like Lauren Mallory gets to live?" she sobs.

"I've been asking myself the same question my whole life," I mutter.

"Don't die Edward! I don't want you to die! I… I think, I think I love you…"

My head snaps around at that one.

"What did you say?" I say.

"I love you Edward, please don't die." She says, softly.

"I wish it was as easy as that," I say, then I lean my face closer to her ear, "Bella, I love you too."

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

"We need to go to the beach. Now, before it gets too cold," Bella says.

"What for?" I say.

"We need to go skinny-dipping." She says. I give her a weird look. "Look- it's not my fault you put all these crazy things on your list," she says, palms up.

"Fine. You win… What are we waiting for?"

We arrive at the beach as the sun is setting. The sky is streaked with red and gold.

"It's beautiful," Bella sighs.

"You know, when I first… found out, I sat watching the sunset. I want to watch the sunrise at some point too." I say.

"Can I come with when you do?"

"Of course, you silly girl," I say.

She stares up at the sky once more, before saying "So how do we want to do this?"

"Don't we just 'strip-and-dip'?" I ask, playfully. She giggles.

"I'm just a bit worried about what that man over there is going to think…" She says. I whirl around but see no-one.

"Made you look…" She jokes, and then raises an eyebrow. "Let's do it."

It's an odd experience standing stark naked on a public beach. There's probably some law against it, but since we can't see anyone around we're chancing it.

I grab Bella's hand and we look at each other's faces.

"On the count of three?" I ask. She nods affirmative.

"One… two… three!"

And with that we run into the shallow waves. The water lapping around my ankles in enough to make me want to run back onto the sand. Only Bella's hand anchors me to the spot.

"Gosh! It's absolutely freezing!" She yelps and I see that little goose-bumps have sprouted up on her body.

"We have to go in deeper- I don't think this really counts as skinny dipping," I say. She shivers, but leads me in deeper, until we're waste high.

"That's it! I need to get out now," she says dramatically before running out. I am only half aware that my teeth have begun to chatter as I follow her back to the shore.

It's when we're out that we realise that no-one remembered to bring towels.

"We'll just have to put our wet clothes back on," Bella says, then looks at me. My teeth are still chattering and I'm beginning to feel a little shivery. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

We drive home in silence, but my teeth are still moving and every so often I shiver. Bella looks worried, but leads me into the house and sits me in front of the fire. Then she fetches me a blanket. I still don't warm up.

"Maybe I should take you to the hospital," she says quietly.

"I,I'm f,f,fine," I shiver, even though anyone can tell I'm not.

Its then that Alice arrives. She looks between Bella's worried expression and me wrapped up in blankets, before coming over to feel my forehead.

"Jeez, Edward. You're boiling!" She looks doubtfully and my chattering teeth, before telling Bella firmly to fetch our coats.

"I,It's n,noth,nothing" I insist.

"It still won't hurt to get you checked out. You don't have much of an immune system at the moment…" Alice says

The drive to the hospital all seems bit of a blur. I vaguely remember Alice and Bella both taking one of my arms and supporting me over to a hospital desk. Alice says something and then my mind is a blur of doctors and nurses and waiting rooms. The last thing I remember before I pass out is the worried look in Bella's eyes.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

Then all I remember are moments:

My mother stroking my hair.

The sun shining in through the window and onto my bed.

Emmett talking about a baseball game.

A nurse coming to check my pulse.

My father sitting anxiously by my bed, not speaking.

The sound of the radio drifting through from the corridor.

Alice talking half-heartedly about a new pair of shoes she bought.

I feel like I am drifting…

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

When I am next awake Bella is sitting by my bed. She leans in to kiss my forehead but her eyes are full of worry.

"They wouldn't let me see you," She says. "Because I wasn't family."

"You're here now though," I say. There is a sense of calm in the room as I look upon Bella's face. Her presence makes me feel peaceful.

"We have to go to Vegas," she says, quite suddenly and out of the blue.

"Vegas? Why?" I ask.

"Because I want to marry you. And besides, it's on your list," she says, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Marry me? Bella, have you gone mad? I'll be dead in a month or so," I say.

"You're not going to die," she says firmly. Stubbornly.

"I _am_ going to die, Bella. Soon."

"I love you," she says. "Please Edward." And with that my resolve crumbles.

"Come on then. We're going to have to take a road trip.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

In the end we take the plane, because even though it costs more, it's quicker, and time isn't on our side. We don't tell our parents what we're doing because we're sure they'll stop us, but we do tell Emmett and Alice (who in turn tell Rose and Jasper). Those four end up coming with us.

"To be honest, little bro, I wasn't sure how you were going to pull off the whole 'getting married in Vegas' thing," Emmett says.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask Bella.

"I've never been surer of anything," she replies.

I smile at that one.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

We find a chapel in the afternoon after the plane lands. We go in there- me wearing jeans, Bella wearing sweats. Alice stands there with a small frown on her face. I think the only reason that she lets us get away with getting married like this is because it's on my list.

We go in there hand in hand, say a few simple vows, sign a few papers and that's it.

"Mrs Cullen," Bella says.

"I love you," I reply.

Later I call my parents, and Bella calls her father. My mother answers on the first ring.

"Oh Edward. The journey was alright? You should have called me when you first landed. I told Emmett-" Esme babbled.

"Mom, I just got married." I say.

I am greeted by a startled silence.

When I tell my father he simply says; "I always knew that Bella was good for you."

Bella's father doesn't take it so well. I hear them arguing, then he demands to speak to me.

"I hear you just got married to my daughter," Charlie says carefully.

"I did," I say.

"Congratulations then, I suppose," he says, which surprises me.

"Thank you."

"You a good guy Edward. I'm sorry life hasn't been so good to you."

"So am I," I say.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

I've been feeling more tired since we got back from our trip. Much to her father's chagrin Bella came and moved into my room, so she's been looking after me more. I spend a lot of time resting now, on the couch with a book- Bella curled up next to me with her homework.

Her friends at school were very surprised to discover that she got married over the weekend. In the end I think she told them the reason for the hurry, as the next time I saw them things were more than a little strained.

**()()()()()()()()()()()**

Emmett comes home one evening with a big smile on his face.

"What have you done now?" I say from my couch. He's been come home most weekends now- I think to see me.

"We're going to a party tonight," he says before glancing at Bella. "As long as that's okay with the Missus?"

I think that she's in on the secret as she smiles conspiratorially and says, "Make sure you get him home on time."

Emmett's so called 'party' is more of a gathering of his friends. Rosalie is there and Emmett also points out Tyler, the guy with the Lamborghini. A guy called Garrett is the host and he greets me like a long lost friend.

"Hey, Edward! I've wanted to meet you for ages." He grins at me, adding, "Emmett talks about you all the time."

"Nothing bad I hope?" I say. Garrett laughs.

"Come on in."

Emmett's friends are actually quite cool, treating me like one of them, but I still don't quite understand why he brought me. I voice this and Rosalie laughs, saying "He asked us to bring a joint. That answer your question?"

"Drugs?" I say, turning towards my brother.

"It's on your list," he says with a shrug, like that's an answer. I seem to be hearing that a lot recently

Soon enough they bring it out. Its weird watching them puff as though it's no big deal, though I can tell it's pretty much everyone's first go since they all seem to splutter and cough after taking a drag. It's relieving to know that Emmett's friends aren't normally druggies.

"Your go, little bro," Em says brightly, passing me the joint. I eye it doubtfully.

"Go on," he urges. So I do. I end up coughing and spluttering like everyone else, but there's a feeling of achievement when I've done it. Another thing I can cross of my list.

Afterwards, when we're driving home, I remember something.

"You know, I've had cannabis before." I say.

Emmett looks at me curiously. "Really? When?"

"They gave it to me when I was having chemotherapy."

"Well, you learn a new thing every day."


	5. December

**December**

Christmas is at home this year. Normally we head up to Alaska to see our cousins in Denali. Carmen is Esme's sister and they are very close. However, this year they are coming down to see us. I know that I must be the reason for the change. Still, it might be the last time I get to see them.

They arrive on Christmas Eve, when I am sitting in my room playing my guitar, Bella listening. I hear the sound of their car approaching, the sound of tyres on the gravel. Lying down my instrument, I reach a hand out to Bella, and we carefully make our way down the stairs. I lean against the wall in the hallway with Bella, whilst everyone else goes to greet them.

When they enter the house I notice that their hair is wet.

"Is it raining?" I ask.

"Snowing," my aunt replies, coming to hug me. "It's good to see you Edward," she says simply, but I can tell she wants to say more. I accept hugs from my uncle, Eleazar, and my cousins, Irina, Kate and Tanya. Tanya was always the cousin I was closest to, as we were closest in age. But, I think everyone expected her to pal up with Alice instead of me- yet Alice is closest to Kate. Tanya has been the closest I ever had to a best friend; she was also my first kiss.

"I missed you, Edward," she says as she greets me. "And this must be Bella."

Everyone begins to exchange pleasantries before heading into the sitting room. When I enter the room there are no seats left, but Kate immediately stands up and offers me hers, choosing to squidge up with Alice instead. I am grateful, but I can't help feeling resentful that she wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been ill. For once it would be nice to be normal.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

Bella's parents arrive for Christmas dinner the next day- her mother has flown down from Florida to see her daughter and meet me.

Charlie nods at me like usual but Renée comes to peer at me curiously, spying Bella's hand in mine.

"You must be my new son-in-law, Edward?" she says.

"Yes, I am," I say.

"It's good to meet you, I've heard a lot about you."

We sit down for lunch at about 1pm. I am seated at the head of the table to my surprise, Alice on my left, Bella on my right.

Esme begins to lay out the vegetables, before bringing out the turkey. Carmen brings me a plate and gestures to the array of food before me. I shrug lightly insisting that I'm not hungry. Esme overhears.

"Oh Edward, you must eat something," she says.

"I'm fine," I say.

"You can't eat nothing- it's Christmas!" Tanya says.

"Really, I'm not hungry." Renée peers at me worriedly.

"Edward," Bella says.

"Fine!" I say, giving up. I place a carrot on my plate. "That okay for you?" I address the room. Everyone looks at me.

Then my father stands up, removing a potato from his own plate and placing it on mine. This seems to start them all off, because soon my plate contains my own carrot, my father's potato, A piece of turkey from Emmett, a brussel sprout from Esme, another carrot from Alice, and a single pea from Bella. I eat that first, making the room smile. Still, I end up eating only half of what's on my plate making my mother 'tut'.

Everyone begins to wash up but I am excused because I am looking rather 'peaky' whatever that's supposed to mean. I sit on the couch and begin to watch television. It's not really very interesting and so before long I must fall asleep.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

When I wake up the clock reads 3pm. Bella is sitting there, waiting. As soon as I begin to show signs of life, she grabs my hand and announces we are going out in the snow. Apparently everyone else (as in Alice, Emmett, Tanya, Kate and Irina) have already left, but she wouldn't go without me.

I am wrapped up in so many layers by my over-protective mother that I am beginning to feel like a beach ball. Bella's gloved hand tugs my doubly-gloved hand and we make our way to a large field where a massive snowball fight going on. I have never thrown a snowball before, since usually I am locked inside in this sort of weather. Copying Bella's movements I shape a ball out of the powdered frost and aim it at a red rain coat.

Bull's-eye.

Immediately the red coated person swings around and spies me standing at the sidelines. I am pleased to discover it is Jacob Black. He heads over to me.

"Good aim," he says.

"Thanks! Not bad for my first snowball, huh?" I grin.

"How's the list going?" he asks. I disentangle myself from two scarves and reach under my many layers to find the folded piece of paper. I flatten it out and pass it over.

_**To Do Before I Die**_

_1- Spend a night under the stars _

_2- Watch the sun set _

_3- Watch the sun rise_

_4- Drive a Lamborghini or a Ferrari_

_5- Go to a strip club_

_6- Ride a motorcycle_

_7- Go busking _

_8- Kiss a total stranger_

_9- Go up the down escalators/ vice versa_

_10- Throw a snowball_

_11- Build an igloo_

_12- Sing in the pouring rain_

_13- Sex_

_14- Sex on the beach_

_15- Drugs_

_16- Get drunk_

_17- Go skinny dipping in the ocean _

_18- Say 'I love you'_

_19- Get married in Vegas_

_20- See the Northern Lights_

_21- Discover life's purpose_

_22- Teach someone else life's purpose_

_23- LIVE!_

"I suppose I can cross off number ten now," I mutter, but Jacob is looking at the list.

"Hey, guys!" He suddenly shouts. "Let's make an igloo."

In the end there are about twenty of us working together to compress the snow into bricks- Me, Jacob, Bella, Renesmee, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Tanya, Kate, Irina and then a load of Jacob's friends from the reservation- Seth, Leah, Sam, Emily, Quil, Embry, Jared, Kim and Paul.

The most difficult part was creating the right shaped bricks, but we tended to work in about groups of four. We were me, Bella, Jacob and Tanya.

The snow was cold and a shock to my unsuspecting skin, but after about an hour there stood a little igloo- the makers looking on, immensely proud. There wasn't room to go inside, but we got a passerby to photograph us all standing outside.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

In the evening we share presents with each other. I am unsurprised to find myself without a pile as I ensured no-one spent any money on new things for me. I do however have a pile of cards.

I thought carefully this year about what I would get everyone, as I want them to remember this Christmas. In the end I decided to give them all the same thing, but individual.

I watch with bated breath as Bella unwraps her rectangular parcel. She tears off the paper to reveal a photo album. I hear her suck in a deep breath, as she turns the pages.

Page after page of photos, moments- things we had done together. At the end of the book I have placed a copy of my list.

"I didn't realise you had taken so many," she says. She has reached the photo where I told her I loved her.

"Maybe you should look at the rest in private," I murmur in her ear, conscious of a couple of "naughty pictures"- including the day we went skinny dipping. Bella turns to me and I am startled to discover tears in her eyes. She throws her arms around my neck and begins to sob into my chest.

I notice other people with wet eyes after seeing their gifts. My mother also begins to cry. One by one they are set off- Bella, Esme, Alice, Tanya, Carmen, Irina, Renée even, Kate, Emmett, Rosalie who has joined us, I notice my father wipe his eyes and even Charlie gives a sniffle.

In the end I am crying too.

Crying for a future I'll never have; crying for the people I'm going to have to leave behind.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

We spend a long time that evening, together. Just enjoying each other's company. It is about 2 am when we have all finally staggered up to bed. Bella collapses instantly on the bed, but I cannot sleep straight away. I walk downstairs and outside into the back garden. I sit there staring at the moon, enchantingly mesmerising as it is. Eventually I must drift off, but when I wake the sky is still dark. I feel a gentle pressure on my elbow.

"Edward?" It is Bella, of course.

"Bella," I sigh happily.

"We can watch the sunrise," she says, and it is then I notice the orange streaked sky. Another thing from my list.

It seems oddly ironic how five months ago I was watching the sunset, thinking that the sun was setting on my bitter existence.

Nonetheless, now, here I am watching the sunrise, and I am realising that it didn't have to be the end. In fact, it was the beginning of my 'life', when I began to live it properly.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

It is December the 28th and Alice is talking about a New Year's Eve Party she wants to throw.

"You've left it a little late," Emmett comments.

"People will still come. What else would they do in a town like this?" Alice says. She looks at Bella thoughtfully. "We might still be able to get you a dress, you know. Or maybe you can wear that blue one I have?"

"We're not coming Alice," Bella says.

"Why _not?_" Alice demands, frostily.

I speak up, "Because we're going to see the Northern Lights."

We have been planning this since Christmas, so I sorted everything out with Carmen and Eleazar. Bella and I are to stay at their home in Denali when we arrive. Late on New Year's Eve we will set up a spot and wait. Apparently the best times to see them are 11.30pm-3.30 am which is fine for us as we are hoping to welcome in the New Year with them.

It's one of the last things on my list.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

Bella gasps. We are huddled together with warm flasks and blankets, looking up at the sky, which is alight with colour.

The flowing ribbons, sky-filling swirls, otherworldly glow, gossamer veils, and brilliant rays of the aurora borealis leave me in awe. It is beautiful, spectacular, and I'm so glad I get to see it.

Bella looks at her watch, then smiles.

"Ten," She whispers. "Nine…" I join in.

"Eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one…"

We kiss.

"Happy New Year, Edward."

"Happy New Year, Bella."

I've lived to see the New Year.


	6. January

**January**

Most of the time is spent sleeping. I wake up to find different people at my bed, watching me sleep. Mostly they are crying.

We all know that I have run out of time.

It's time to say goodbye...

**()()()()()()()()()()**

My mother strokes my hair.

"My son," she whispers, the words loving yet sadness bitters them. A tear runs down her cheek.

"It is not fair that I should have to bury my own son. It's not supposed to be this way."

Esme has always taken my illness the hardest. She was the one that found it the most difficult to accept my death. As a result she's always been very over-protective over me. She doesn't deserve this.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Don't apologise," she says rather sharply, before continuing more softly. "Don't apologise, Edward. It's not your fault."

A light breeze passes through the room.

"Oh, Edward! My son… What will I do without my son?" she wails. "If I promise to be a better person, will you save him?" I understand that she isn't talking to me anymore, but to a higher power.

"Don't worry about me, Mom," I say softly. She looks at my face, strokes my cheek. "Don't worry. It's not the end."

"Not the end?" she sounds tired, too tired.

"There has to be something after this, right? God wouldn't let it end like this. We'll see each other again."

"My brave boy," she murmurs. "I'll miss you, Edward."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Edward."

**()()()()()()()()()()**

My father sits at my bedside. His expression is soft, his eyes sad.

My father has never been a very expressive person. I think he bottles his feelings up, because we've never really talked about things like this.

"When I was younger, I always wanted to be a doctor, like you," I break the silence.

Carlisle smiles. " I would have thought that you'd seen enough of hospitals to want something like that."

"Maybe. But I wanted to help people. Like you do."

His expression changes, hardens. "Doctors can't help everyone, you know." He says in a stiff voice.

"I do know. Better than most," I say. He nods, slowly.

"It shouldn't be like this." His voice cracks. "I should have been able to save you… It's my fault." Suddenly I understand the reasoning behind his stiff face and hard manner.

"It's not your fault at all," I swallow. "No-one can save me- I'm not supposed to be saved."

"You're a good boy Edward."

"I hope so."

**()()()()()()()()()()**

How do you say goodbye to your life, your soul? How do you say goodbye to the one person you love above everyone else? How do I say goodbye to my Bella? How could I leave her here alone, how could I die now, when doing so would hurt her so badly. When life gives you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end-especially since you knew it was coming all along.

She sits on my bed, hold my hand. But neither of us are crying, which seems important for some reason. I don't want our love to end in tears.

"Twilight, again," I say. "Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end."

"Some things don't have to end," she says.

Silence hangs in the room, heavy. We both know what has to come.

"Let me see your list," Bella says.

"It's on the table," I say, and she picks it up. After a moment she cries out, suddenly.

"Edward! You haven't finished everything!"

"What? What haven't I done, then?"

"The last ones- '_number twenty-one, Discover life's purpose'-_"

"You can cross that one off," I interrupt.

"Really what is life's purpose then?" she asks, curious.

"Well I think it's different for everyone," I admit.

"What's the purpose of my life, do you think?" she asks.

"I think that it's to keep your mother in check and keep your father company. And to be tortured by Alice, and to be friendly to people. And to give me something to live for."

"That doesn't sound too bad, I guess," she jokes, with a hint of sorrow. "What about you?"

"The purpose of my life? I think that the purpose of my life was to be a sensible son for my parents, to give Emmett someone to make fun of, and to be someone that Alice can dress up- and also someone to support her and understand, twin stuff, you know? I think the purpose of my life was to be a walking poster for cancer, and how it's a good thing to support. And I think the purpose of my life was to love you, forever."

Bella doesn't miss the use of 'was' instead of 'is'.

"I love you," she says.

"So what else haven't I done on the list? What's next?" I say.

Bella looks down at the piece of paper in her hand.

"Oh." She says. "_Number twenty-two- teach someone else life's purpose. _I think you've just done that."

"That's good. Anything else?"

"Well just one..." she suddenly looks anxious.

"What is it? Let me see," I say. I am passed the piece of paper.

_Number twenty-three- LIVE!_

"Bella… you'll have to do that one for me."

"Why can't you do it?" she says stubbornly.

"Because I'm leaving it to you…" I know what's coming now.

"Bella, love," I say.

"Oh, Edward." She sighs, wearily.

"I fell in love with you sometime between our first and second dates," I say. "How could I not, my beautiful girl?"

"Don't, Edward," she mumbles.

"I was never so sure of anything in my life, than I was about you."

Her bottom lip is trembling.

"I think we've had a good relationship, despite everything. I glad you married me, though I'm so sorry that you got the 'sickness and in health' part in spades."

"Don't say goodbye Edward," she says, and her voice is so desolate that I almost can't go on. But I have to say these things. Before it's too late.

"I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned you are the best wife anyone could ever have. You're very young, so I expect that one day you may find someone else to love-"

She makes a strangled sort of sound, but I keep going.

"- Please don't marry someone quickly so as not to be alone. Please know, however, that you will both have my blessing and good wishes. I want more than anything, for you to be happy. Promise me you'll be happy."

"I can't be happy without you…" she whimpers.

"Yes you _can_, Bella. You _have_ to. Promise me, Bella."

"Don't do this," her voice is just a whisper.

"Promise, Bella."

She takes a deep breath- then nods, slowly, forlornly.

"And take care of yourself- don't do anything stupid or reckless. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Bella nods, helplessly. Her forehead crumbles into a frown.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, lightly, wanting to smooth out her crumpled forehead with my finger.

"I'm wishing that I could be with you forever." She says, her voice containing the subtle ache of wanting something you can't have.

"I _will_ be with you. I'll _always_ be with you. Just out of sight… Is that enough?"

"Enough for now." She says softly, fixing her eyes on me. "I love you so very much."

"Look, I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't _that_ enough?"

"Yes, it is enough," she answers with a small, heartbreaking, smile, touching my face. "Enough for forever."

**()()()()()()()()()()**

After speaking with Bella everything seems to drift into one long string of things. But time seems to drag in my half conscious state. I feel like I'm ready to go, yet there's something stopping me. One last thing that needs to be done.

**()()()()()()()()()()**

"I think you have to say goodbye, Emmett," the voice belongs to my mother.

_I lie on my back watching the stars… _

"I don't want to… I don't want to say goodbye." Emmett says.

_The sky is streaked with the colours of candyfloss, warm Sundays and rose petals…_

"Goodbye seems so permanent. Too permanent," Rosalie says.

"_We can watch the sunrise," she says…_

"He looks so peaceful." Alice- a gentle compression on my elbow.

_The inside is black and smells practically brand new…_

"I don't think he'll go unless you want him to, Emmett," Carlisle says.

_I notice that I am definitely the youngest person in here, which leads me to wonder if it's even legal…_

"I can't want him to go! I don't want my brother to die. He's not allowed to go," says Emmett.

_I'm flying…_

"Do you think he can hear us?" Bella says

_I strum and pluck, whatever takes my fancy…_

"_I_ think so," Esme says.

_She has brown hair and brown eyes and a slim heart shaped face…_

"I love you Edward," Bella says.

_I'm running down, making very little progress…_

"He needs to know it's okay for him to leave," Alice says.

_Copying Bella's movements I shape a ball out of the powdered frost and aim it at a red rain coat…_

"It's not," Emmett says.

_After about an hour there stood a little igloo- the makers looking on, immensely proud…_

"He's a brave man," Charlie says. Surprising. "I think you should let him move on, son."

_The rain is heavy and we are soaked instantly, but we are both laughing…_

"The bravest," says Alice. "He deserves to be free."

"_Don't be afraid," Bella murmurs. "We belong together…"_

"I'll miss him. We'll all miss him," Jacob says.

_She leads me over to a secluded spot behind the sand dunes…_

"I can't do it, he's my brother," Emmett says.

_I end up coughing and spluttering like everyone else, but there's a feeling of achievement when I've done it…_

"I can't be a twin without a twin. It doesn't work." Alice says suddenly.

_Emmett becomes very silly, and I become rather giggly…_

"You'll always be a twin, Alice. He'll always be there. That's what he told me." Bella says.

_It's an odd experience standing stark naked on a public beach…_

"He'll always be in your hearts, Alice, Emmett," says Jasper. "Let him be at peace."

_I lean my face closer to her ear, "Bella, I love you too…"_

"I love you Edward. I'll never forget you. You'll always be my twin." Alice says.

_We go in there- me wearing jeans, Bella wearing sweats…_

"I don't want to lose you, little bro… But maybe it's for the best?" His voice cracks. "I'll never forget you. Haunt me if you like…"

_The flowing ribbons, sky-filling swirls, otherworldly glow, gossamer veils, and brilliant rays of the aurora borealis leave me in awe…_

"Be at peace, darling. We all love you. You can go now."

"_And I think the purpose of my life was to love you, forever…"_

Peace.


End file.
